The Throwing Fits Met Gala 2024 Roast

Ayo, normally we'd hit you with the royal we, but I'm too hungover from all the sick Met Gala after parties (derogatory) I went to so you're just gonna have to deal with it. It's Larry btw. I am legit running on fumes rn aka secret Marb lights, peppermint Zyn and sparkling green apple cherry Celsius (DELICIOSO). Basically, Jim and I were cooking in the group chat last night, roasting and toasting all the A-list bozos who turned up for fashion's biggest night and I had the bright (re: stupid af given my current state) idea to copy and paste that shit so here we are. Enjoy this little taste of what goes on behind the scenes. Let us know who we missed and your own personal best and worst dressed for community engagement. Go Knicks.

 "A fit that dares to ask the question, 'What if the Minotaur ate ass?'" - Larry

"Imagine it’s 1485 and the court jester pulls up in this fit? You just know the japes and rhapsodies would hit diffy that day." - Jimmy

"I didn’t think Brooklyn watch guys could get any worse." - J

 “Time for the WOAT to learn how to make my coffee order.” - L

"Phantom of the Bopera." - L

"We should all aspire to have white-man-adjusting-my-cape money ." - J

 "I guess he actually is challenged." - J

"When Zendaya says whoever wears the dumbest clown shoes gets my number." - L

"One thing this is not is Hemerica." - L

"Mf needs a feature from a Tailor, Swiftly." - J

"Shorty must be Omar Apollo’s jacket cuz she givin heavy top." - J

"The perfect night to get blasted in a full metal jacket ." - L

"Much like Ben Affleck in the Gone Girl shower scene I’m fully fluffed." - L

"People in 1981: 'In 2024 they’ll have flying cars.'

2024: Tens of millions of digital pieces of information that measure color and brightness are transmitted 22,000 miles through the air to a satellite and back to a pocket sized computer that’s 50x more powerful than what first landed Americans on the moon, all at a speed that allows me to see Jennifer Lopez’s mudder 0.2 seconds after she walks outside." - J

"If this guy is pulling up late night, you are going to die at the afters." - J

"Much like Challengers, 5 stars no notes for Goatagnino." - L

"Every red carpet got that one pair of cuck trousers." - L

"The beet brooch is a subtle metaphor for beating your meat." - J 

"Speaking of metaphors, you gotta love a man who dressed like a literal turd to represent both him and his girl's career." - L

"Whaaaaaaaats the worst dressed New Zealander?!"- J

"Ladies and gentlemen, Balmain’s very own Brick Owens!" - L

“Adrien Crodie (at least the Met Gala trash fire is cleansing the timeline of Kendrick vs. Drake).”

"Ghostface Killah for film bros." - L

"What’s the penalty for elder abuse?" - J

"Society has moved passed the need for Jeff Goldblum." - L

"He puts the L in eldest boy ." - J

"Suck session (respectfully)." - L

"Billion dollar baby." - L

"Larry gets one grill and switches up!" - J

"Sorry to break the news to you guys this way, but I fell in love with a stripper. " - L

"If your priest pulls up in the sleeveless, run." - J

"I think I need to hit the gym (jacking off guys)." - L

"Barry Bonka and the fudge-packing factory." - L

"Barry Lyndon’t." - J

"When your dad gets the munchies." - L

"How do you do, fellow fashions?" - J

"I’m trynna do DMT with this bitch." - J

"He puts the 'ed' in [redact]-ed." - J

"I'm appalled by the sleeve of you." - L

"Churchill Down's Syndrome." - L

 "What if Theo Von and Chet Hanks fucked?" - J

"Might snag his first podium of the year." - J

"Tracy Chapman Jesus." - L

"Cashing in all my Ursher bucks from the Super Bowl so I can finally retire from this prison of my own design." - L

"This is the final villain of stealing my attention away from the Knicks game." - J